its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize