i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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