My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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