he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize