There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
