I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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