every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
