so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
