I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
