I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
