Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
