I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
