Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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