I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
