I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
