I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
