I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
