booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
