respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize