You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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