By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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