the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
