I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i want to swaddle you in tequila
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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