first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
