Porn is love you can see.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
