This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
