Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
