I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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