THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
