So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
