I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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