I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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