I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
