i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
