If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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