got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just gift wrapped bread.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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