you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
