There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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