Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
