I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
