Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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