Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
