As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
