I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
