We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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