You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
