I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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