its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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