dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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