I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
