This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
