Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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