Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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