she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
