I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize