That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
