2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
