what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
