I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
