I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
