Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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