I got chris browned last night
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
