we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
