I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
