the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
