i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
