He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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