My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
