yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
