y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
