I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
