apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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