I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
