If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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