I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need to calm my uterus...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
