When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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