After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
