tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
