You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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